I started my morning today with a smile. Determined to make the best today, I decided to head out with a fresh mind.

 

At around 12 in the afternoon, I received a text that truly saddens me. I tried to clear up my mind but to no avail. I was just depressed I just wanted to go home and lock myself inside the room. Maybe I was just overreacting to something. Maybe I just need a hug from my friends to make me feel better. Maybe a drink would warm up my aching heart. But I just decided to just keep quiet and stay calm. I was not able to keep my feelings from my co-workers as they asked me what was wrong. I just shrugged my shoulders and got away from them. I needed to be alone.

 

As I was driving my car, I kept thinking about my feelings and what is going on with my life. Maybe it has been too early to open up to a new relationship or maybe I am just blinded by my heart. I cursed myself for everything. I don't have any reason to hold on as I know it is not worth holding on but my heart says otherwise. I am planning to amend some of the things that are happening now in my life but I felt like I needed that much strength to carry what's on my mind and what my heart dictates.

 

I was invited to an event this coming Saturday but maybe I need to lay low and have some thinking on my own. Maybe a scene will just ruin my whole being and I know I will just be hurt at the end. I am yearning for someone who can understand where I am standing now and who can assure me that everything happen for me to learn my lesson. I need someone to uplift my spirit and heal my broken heart. I need someone to pick me up and help me stand on my own. I need someone to give me that respect to myself that I had  gambled. 

 

I am here alone still standing and looking at the vast horizon. With clouded mind and confused being, I don't know where to dig that strength that I once had.

 

This paradise that I once built, the palace that I once enjoyed, the kingdom that I once ruled, slowly  got shattered right into my eyes.