Why are the children's smiles my agony?
Why is my selflessness be someone's own selfishness?
Why is my happiness be not my loves own too.

Why should my teardrops be someone's laugh?
Why my ups suppose to be someone's failure?
Why, why, why?

Why is there a tear despite the smile?
Why is there weakness behind that strength?
Why is there sadness in that laugh?

Why am I still standing.........

Mariana Resort’s Brooks wins 2nd Annual Bacardi Legacy Competition

Mariana Resort’s Brooks wins 2nd Annual Bacardi Legacy Competition

"Sometimes you have to open up your eyes to see the difference of love and hurt." You may think it is love, but don't you see how his words put you down, how his impatience shows his selfishness, how he enjoys his life while you are at the edge? Time to change the set up of everything and be the person you are suppose to be. The first goodbye is enough,the second one is maturity.

I started my morning today with a smile. Determined to make the best today, I decided to head out with a fresh mind.

 

At around 12 in the afternoon, I received a text that truly saddens me. I tried to clear up my mind but to no avail. I was just depressed I just wanted to go home and lock myself inside the room. Maybe I was just overreacting to something. Maybe I just need a hug from my friends to make me feel better. Maybe a drink would warm up my aching heart. But I just decided to just keep quiet and stay calm. I was not able to keep my feelings from my co-workers as they asked me what was wrong. I just shrugged my shoulders and got away from them. I needed to be alone.

 

As I was driving my car, I kept thinking about my feelings and what is going on with my life. Maybe it has been too early to open up to a new relationship or maybe I am just blinded by my heart. I cursed myself for everything. I don't have any reason to hold on as I know it is not worth holding on but my heart says otherwise. I am planning to amend some of the things that are happening now in my life but I felt like I needed that much strength to carry what's on my mind and what my heart dictates.

 

I was invited to an event this coming Saturday but maybe I need to lay low and have some thinking on my own. Maybe a scene will just ruin my whole being and I know I will just be hurt at the end. I am yearning for someone who can understand where I am standing now and who can assure me that everything happen for me to learn my lesson. I need someone to uplift my spirit and heal my broken heart. I need someone to pick me up and help me stand on my own. I need someone to give me that respect to myself that I had  gambled. 

 

I am here alone still standing and looking at the vast horizon. With clouded mind and confused being, I don't know where to dig that strength that I once had.

 

This paradise that I once built, the palace that I once enjoyed, the kingdom that I once ruled, slowly  got shattered right into my eyes.

 

 

Good Work!

 

We arrived at the church this morning a little bit late and still sleepy. I got hard time choosing what dress to wear that is why. When we arrived, I was looking at the front row where Anhkiet usually sits. I cannot find him then I was surprised when I saw him seating beside our Parish Priest. Today he is the main and the only altar server. I was overwhelmed and I asked my seatmate where the other servers are. It had been a long time since Anhkiet was the main server but always with older companion. Today, I was a little bit nervous that he might miss something. I just kept looking at him and I felt like crying. I was so proud of him. The mass went smoothly with him doing multitasking jobs. At the end of the mass, I hugged and kissed him. He was the best.

I asked him what he wants as a treat for doing a good job. He told me he wanted to watch movie so we decided to eat first our lunch in KFC then go to the theater at around 1 PM

Driving down to downtown, we decided to pass by at Smiling Cove. We missed this very beautiful place for how many years. A ‘special friend” of mine brought me there one time and the scenery truly captivated my heart. I decided to let the kids see it and take some pictures. Erin was excited. She loves watching the fish and calling the logs sharks. She is very funny. We proceeded right away to KFC as we were already out of time. When we reached Beach Road, we saw groups of people along the road with flyers. They are rallying for the impeachment of the governor. I slowed down and one guy shouted me to honk my car. I kept laughing while honking my car. We were just driving a little far when we saw again another group of demonstrators. They are pro administration and the scenario truly looks odd for me. They shouted at me to honk but I answered “No Comment.”

We finished our lunch a little bit late so we arrived at the theater at around 1 p.m. Since today is Anhkiet’s day, I asked him to choose what movie he wants. He chose the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I was a little bit doubtful with his choice but I just kept quiet. I was thinking that show may not be appropriate for Erin. After buying popcorn and a large drink, we proceeded inside. It was full but we were able to find a good spot. It was not long when the movie started. I was bored at first but later found out the movie was worth watching. After the show, we went out still talking about it. I asked Anhkiet if he cried then he said, “Yes, but just a little bit.” I never expected it to be that good. Erin told me while on our way out, “Mommy, good movie.” I agreed.

I tucked them in and started the car. While driving home, I looked back at them and saw them silently seated. Erin has been already asleep. Today is one of my favorite days and a good start to this week. I am looking forward to a better and memorable week. Hope you do too.

This week is truly one of the whirlwind moments that I can say. I come home early tonight with the plan of sleeping early but  when I checked the time it was already past 1 in the morning. Inspired by the bottle of wine and a soft music being played in the air, I decided to share this week's events with you.

How I loved Tuesdays but now I am starting to hate it. Maybe I was expecting too  much that I lost track with the reality of life. Anyway, I still kept all the memories in my heart and once they are stored, it will just be there forever.

Today, I finished my shift  early so I decided to go around. I don't know, but looks like I am looking for something that will enlighten my day. I tried to smile and joke around but my feeling has been just so lame. No choice for me so I decided to go to the Garapan Central.

I passed by at my friend to buy a presentable shirt. I just wanted to have some fun and put back the smile on my face. I decided to pass by at Wild Bills. I love the place and the food. I would always order the steak but this time I tried the Beef Garlic and it was truly awesome. My idea of being presentable may be too much as the guy seated near my table kept looking. I remember him though. I saw him in this place but then their life is not mine so just leave it anyway.

I just wanted to have a little drink but then it's  Friday anyway, so maybe some bottles of beer would not be so bad. It was fun. I may be alone but you never felt your solitude if you are in a place where people cares.

Anyway, I am just happy with this week's event. I am preparing for Saturday's outing. I received an invitation from a friend that I said "yes" right away. Maybe some moments spent with other people would enliven a broken spirit. I just hope so.

The bottle of wine is almost finished and I don't have any choice than to say bye. It is almost 2 in the morning and I have to get laid. Wishing me all the joyous moments the weekend will bring. I hope you do.

Wish I have someone to share this bottle of wine with but to no avail.

Back to the real world, my world. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

 

Dream

I look up at you and you melted my heart with that sweet smile. Just that moment froze me and I just kept staring at that figure. A tall, arrogant, and strict personality but it never surrendered me. It triggers me more to come to you and show you how a fighter I am. That lady that you once met is just nobody I am somebody you never knew.

 

Your touch sweetens me. It kicks me on my knee. I want to walk back but my feet can't find its step and when I tried to look back all I see is you. Your kiss, your soft lips dampening on mine. It's so heaven I just wanted to taste your tongue. How I wanted that for so long. Keeping all those controls every time you are near. And this is the moment that I have waited for. I just love that body of yours close to mine.

 

Your hands around me. Your touch, your magic touch that makes me shake of passion. Your exploration around me bringing me out the aggressiveness, the lioness within me.Oh! This feeling. It's so wonderful.

 

Then I felt your hands on my svelte body. Your caressing touch that makes me crazy about you. Your sweet lips on my neck that arouses this feeling of intimacy. I can't take it anymore. All I can say " It's all yours and yours is mine".

 

How I love that feeling. Feeling of completeness and oneness. That feeling of you and me all in one. The love that lasts in my heart. The passion that only you and I could find. The love that only you and I can understand. The feeling all I know is fine.

 

But....

 

I woke up and there I find myself alone. Alone with all the emptiness. I felt the soft bed but all I have is the memory. That love and passion that we once shared may last for one night but stays in my heart forever.